Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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