You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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