Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
