Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
