Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
