just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
