When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
