Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
