So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
