I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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