You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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