Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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