That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
