WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
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Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
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