Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
