I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
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