My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize
