In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
