I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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