our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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