The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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