Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
