you guys were way drunker than both of me
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
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She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
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I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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