Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Randomize
