I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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