I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
