She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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