you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
