The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
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You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
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