when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize
