he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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