Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
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