we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
