And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
