You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Randomize
