I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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