I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
