There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
