i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
