Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
