Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
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