im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
