It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
