Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
