you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
