After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
