I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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