My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
