Umm I'm too high to move.
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
My life is pants optional.
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