He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
