We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
