i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
