there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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