Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
