i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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