bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
