never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
