Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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