life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize