So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
babies were throwing up all over the place
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
