I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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