i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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