the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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