I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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