Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
