If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
