those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
