Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
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