drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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