he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
