Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
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Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
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he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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