Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Sext me about skeletons
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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