Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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