is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
