I only kidnapped one of them. chill
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
