im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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