the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
